Long time, no blog. I couldn't do justice to summarizing the last year and a half, but things have happened and changed, for the best in many ways. So a bit of it first, assuming then I can get into some more "in the now" posts if and when I return here soon.

I've had only one date in this time. I have transformed and let go much anger. I have had humbling visits with a revered teacher. Tons of time in Nature last spring through fall - the most rejuvenating times of all for me. Tended a fruitful garden. Took a break from emergencies, have not been "on call" for well over a year now. Spent more time relating, more doing, less thinking.

But also had a pretty stagnant late fall/winter, holed up in extreme cold. Inert. In retrospect, with no regret, I stored up a lot of energy that sprang forth late January and has continued as a rush of action and enthusiasm for four months or so now. It's very different than ever before. Active in a very balanced way. Overthinking has been largely deactivated.

One large contributing factor has been taking a chance on a new friendship with someone quite separate from my day-to-day. It began as a random meeting of strangers who couldn't even really make a first impression based on appearance, as it was below zero. But the gorgeous event was a stranger extending an opening to another (me!) to just meet, drink, encounter. I was mid discussion with a dear friend, walking together and talking about how I should say "Yes!" more. But I said no! initially. Then regretted it and sent out a Yes! message about a week later. (My "shyness" is not a useful tool - just fear!)

With no discussion beforehand, just a quick call to arrange a time, a glass of wine was arranged for, but this turned into several, and a very unusual "date" between two people, who upon first meeting, did not seem to like one another very much. We were both defensive of our positions, which appeared to be quite opposite on the big socially-usual discussions on religion, politics, money...We were both very confident in our ways and each believed he was correct.

The discomfort gave way to drunkenness and physical grasping. Then it was over, and I think we both regretted it.

Yet, a few months later, we are still dipping a toe into getting to know this Other. It has been an adventure in attraction and repulsion, in judgement and acceptance, in talking to strangers. In trying to be honest with someone new. Trying to be myself unapologetically. He has been an example and inspiration in that - at least by all appearances he is certain, confident, exuberant, detached. But there have been openings to that below the surface, revealing vulnerabilities and fear. Commonality. A tender core.

Being around someone so different than my usual has shown me things that I would like to tweak in myself, ways that I might shift a bit. Inspiration to new adventures. Also, it has intrigued me so much to explore this all that I have been able to reconnect with music in a way that I had not for years. So, a creative outlet coincided with connection to this new being in my radius. And the energy stirred up by it all has also brought me into my body, and the physical practice of yoga has transformed my outer shell in amazing ways.

to be continued...